Traumatic experiences
by sherbertbomb
Summary: Clary is sent to live in New York after her father murders her family. When she is there she meets Jace Wayland- school hottie, they immediately hate each other but is it possible that they have more in common then either of them imagined?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this chapter is very short. It is basically an introduction and goes through all of the major events that caused Clary to move to New York. I would really appreciate constructive criticism, and could people please tell me if I have made any spelling errors so that I can fix them. **

**This chapter is set in England, Clary has an older sister and Jonathan is her younger brother. **

**Please review, it would make my day **

**Disclaimer- as one would expect, I am not Cassandra Clare and do not own the Mortal Instruments characters.**

The weather was damp, drizzling and miserable, the perfect description of Clary's life.

Clary lay on her bed, sketching but not really paying attention to the art. Her mind was elsewhere as it often was these days she was trying to remember back to when they hadn't lived in a dump, back to when she had decent parents. She couldn't, Clary was broken from her trance-like state by the sound of a cough from her doorway of the room Clary shared with her older sister, Amy and her younger brother, Jonathan.

Amy was an older, prettier version of Clary with long auburn locks and wide green eyes that had once been innocent but were now clouded with bad memories. Amy was wearing a short black dress that just brushed the top of her thighs, ripped fishnet stockings and high heels. Her face was covered with a light layer of make-up and her hair was pinned back. The outfit meant one thing- Amy was going to work.

Since Clary could remember her mother Jocelyn had been hooked on drugs, causing her to spend her life in a dreamlike state. Valentine, her father, was hooked on alcohol and turned violent when he was drunk. When all of the family's savings had been spent Valentine had decided that the drugs and alcohol were worth more than their children and had stopped paying bill, buying for food and generally neglected their wellbeing.

One year when Clary was thirteen, Amy was fifteen and Jonathan was three they were all near death due to starvation, Amy had taken drastic measures, she had entered into prostitution. Ever since then she had provided enough income for the three children to buy food, clothing and pay the bills. Clary had also done her part- she took the brunt of Valentines beatings, bought the drugs that her mother relied on, made food and looked after both Jonathan and the house.

On Clary's sixteenth birthday, instead of receiving a present she had joined Amy on one of the street corners. Clary was now seventeen and had sold her body a total of three times when the family were desperate for income, Clary was able to deal with physical beatings but was unable to bear the emotional impact selling her body to strangers created.

Clary carried the most cuts and bruises, they covered her entire body, Amy did not have as many visual reminders but she woke up every night screaming. Jonathan, the youngest and most innocent, was a blank canvas, both Amy and Clary were determined that he would never go through the same things Clary and Amy experienced daily.

The events that had occurred after Amy left were a blur, probably due to the fact that Clary had been unconscious for most of them. Valentine had been fired from his job because he hadn't bothered to show up in months. He had dealt with the anger in the only way he knew- by drinking, his anger being fuelled by the alcohol.

Finally he had cracked, marching to her room and dragging her into the living room by her hair. He had smashed one of his vodka bottles over her head and proceeded to beat her with it, at first Clary had cried, begging for him to stop, then she fell unconscious. Later Jonathan had told her that Valentine had started kicking her, not stopping until Amy had arrived home. She had screamed at him to stop, threatening to go to the police.

She never made it out of the door. Clary had woken to the sound of Jonathan crying and the sight of her sister's dead body crumpled on the floor. She had been beaten to death. By her father. And it was Clary's fault.

Amy's death had haunted her for months, now it was Clary that bore the bruises and woke up in the night screaming, Clary being forced to sell her body at night. Valentine had threatened her telling her that he would kill Jonathan if she went to the police.

He knew that Jonathan was the only reason Clary bothered staying alive. Until he took Jonathan away from her as well.

The day had been wet, why was it always when something bad happened the weather was wet? Clary was out buying drugs for Jocelyn, her mother.

Clary hated that she was spending precious money on them but she knew Valentine would beat Jonathan if she didn't. She knew something was wrong when she entered the apartment and saw the red stain on the floor, dreading what she was going to see Clary had walked into the living room and saw Jocelyn's body lying on the floor, blood leaking out of the wound in her chest.

Clary had screamed, a single uncontrollable sound full of pent up fear and anger. The sound had alerted Valentine, he had walked into the living room holding a small body in his arms, Jonathan, Clary's vision had turned red. The last thing she could remember was Valentine lifting a silver gun, a spark of pain and then nothing.

She had woken up in hospital and had been informed that Valentine, Jonathan and Jocelyn were all dead. Her scream had alerted a neighbour who had called the police, they had caught Valentine as he was attempting to leave the apartment and had shot him after he attempted to shoot the commanding officer.

When Clary thought back to that day all she could remember was blood and red. It was ironic she thought, that three members of her family had died in a living room. She also though it was strange how she could remember nothing of the events of the days that her family had died and the time after their deaths, Valentine had shot her in the left shoulder, he had been aiming for her heart.

After hours of questioning by the police Clary had been informed that she was being taken into foster care in New York. Clary had taken three things with her, a picture of herself, Amy and Jonathan, her sketchbook and the dress Amy had worn when she went to work, all of them ensured that she would never forget and that she would never forgive Valentine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, OMG I can't believe all of the favourites and followers I have gotten, I honestly didn't believe that this story would be popular. Here is the next chapter, I just wanted to establish Clary's character a bit more. In most of the stories I have read she is considered to be a victim and I wanted to make her a badass. Jace will be introduced in the next chapter along with Izzy and Simon. **

**Please, please review because it makes my day, also I love constructive criticism and story ideas. If I make any spelling\grammar errors please feel free to point them out. I hate reading stories with bad grammar and I'm sure most of you guys don't like it either. **

**Shout out to bow down to me peasants, CissyBella98 and YvonneWearsPyjamas, thanks for reviewing guys **

Clary was taken to live with a foster parent- Luke Garroway, he was a kind middle aged man who owned a popular bookstore. Since Clary had no living relatives the police had looked at Jocelyn's will and saw that Luke was listed as her godfather, he had been Jocelyn's best friend for most of her life.

Clary had been apprehensive to meet Luke for the first time; in her experience older men were violent and could not be trusted, Luke was the exact opposite; he had shown Clary around his house and given her the spare room. The house was small but neat and very homely.

Luke had explained that she was the first teenager he had ever fostered, she had no real curfew as long as she told him where she was going and she had completed all of her homework. He had also gently explained that he knew what she had gone through and that she could talk to him at any time, Clary had nodded, not listening.

The only thing about that day that surprised her was when Luke showed her the new art supplies he had brought her, that simple act of kindness touched Clary's heart because never before in her life had she been subjected to the simple joy that one received when given a present.

That night along with sleep came nightmares; she dreamed that she was chained to a wall in a metal room. In the middle of the room stood Valentine, he was kicking a small figure who was lying helpless on the floor, with horror she realised that the person he was kicking was Jonathan. Clary tried to scream but her voice did not work, all she could do was watch as Valentine hit Jonathan, over and over again.

When Clary thought the nightmare couldn't get any worse another figure appeared. Her face was swollen and her body was black and purple from bruises, Clary almost threw up when she realised it was Amy.

"Help him Clary, why won't you help him? I helped you; you are such a coward, HELP HIM." Clary woke to the sound of herself screaming. Trembling she sat up, her body was covered in a thin layer of sweat, it had felt so real, Clary shuddered, the memory of Amy's face was imprinted on the back of her eyelids. She stood up and quietly tiptoed out of her room and into the kitchen, she went over to the drawer that held the knives and pulled a small, sharp one out of the drawer. Clary hurried back to her room, sat on the bed and closed her eyes.

She saw Amy crumpled on the floor, Jonathan's body, impossibly small in her father's arms. Worst of all she saw Valentine, his face was twisted up into a mocking sneer, the expression he always wore when he hit her. Without thinking Clary drew the knife across the soft skin of her wrist.

She gasped when a flood of pain hit her, but it did the one thing she wanted it to do, the pain succeeded in making her temporarily forget the memories. Clary opened her eyes and looked down at her wrist. There was a red gash, in great contrast to the white skin she had cut; blood ran from the wound like tears.

Clary reached over to her bedside table for her sketchbook, opening it to a new page she began to draw, not noticing the crimson drops of blood that fell off her wrist and stained the page.

Clary stated awake for the rest of the night, afraid of the visions that haunted her dreams. She spent the remaining hours of darkness sketching, not concentrating on a particular image; she just wanted to distract herself. That is why she was surprised when she looked down at her drawing and realised what she had drawn.

There was an outline of a girl with auburn hair, who Clary assumed was herself, instead of her face there were three overlapping faces, all with the same coloured hair, skin and eyes. Clary recognised the faces of Jocelyn, Jonathan and Amy. Disgusted she closed the book and threw it to the end of her bed.

She rolled out of bed and padded over to the shower, hoping the warm water would revive her tired muscles. Twenty minutes later, feeling thoroughly refreshed, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her skinny body. She walked back to her bedroom and pulled on an oversized t-shirt and leggings that Luke had purchased for her.

When she looked in the mirror, prepared to attempt to tame her tangled hair, Clary didn't see her own face; instead Amy's face stared back at her. Clary gasped, unable to move, she wondered when she had dropped so low that the sight of her own face haunted her.

That day when Luke took her out shopping, she bought blonde hair dye and that night she turned her beautiful auburn hair blonde. Now when she looked at her reflection in the mirror the only reminder of her family was the dull, green eyes that stared back at her. The nightmares still prevented her from sleeping but at least she could look in a mirror without being haunted by her own reflection.

Clary forgot about the nightmares of the past one night when she started worrying about the future. That night at dinner Luke had reminded her that she was starting school in two days, Clary had completely forgotten.

She was very smart and didn't have to worry about catching up on work, but she did worry about the other students, what if they didn't like her, what if she was an outcast with no friends? It was at midnight that night that Clary had a revelation, why did she care? She had been through so much in her life, why did the opinions of a few ignorant teenagers affect her so much?

She had been a shadow all of her life, unable to fight back, just accepting Valentines beatings, accepting her crappy life. Clary made a pact to herself that she wouldn't give a crap about what other people thought about her, she would stand up for herself. It was these thoughts that lead to Clary asking Luke for some money the next day, he was more than happy to oblige because she rarely spoke unless she was asked a question and had never asked for anything.

That day Clary went out and bought a whole new wardrobe, one that screamed I don't give a fu*k. She also got some black streaks in her hair and her ears pierced. It felt really good doing stuff for herself, for the first time in her life she didn't have to worry about whether her actions would cause Valentine to go into a violent rage.

When Clary went to bed that night she had no more thoughts about high school, instead she went straight to sleep, where the nightmares waited. The bruises might have started fading but the scars on both her body and her brain would forever be remainders of her horrible past.

Her alarm woke her up at 7am on Monday, Clary groaned and lay in bed, wishing for time to rewind so that she could get some sleep, when it became apparent that time was being stubborn and was moving forward, Clary rolled out of bed and plodded over to the shower.

The hot water did an excellent job of easing her aching muscles. She ruffled through her clothes until she found a perfect outfit. It was all black and consisted of a short skirt, ripped, knee high boots, a loose tank top and a leather jacket. She straightened her hair, eliminating all of her natural curls;

grabbing a bottle of concealer she used it to cover up the fading bruises that still remained on her face. Clary finished off with a coating of mascara and a thin line of eyeliner. She stepped back and examined her reflection in the mirror; the clothes did good things for her small curves but were not skimpy enough to label her as a slut.

They did however show some of the many scars that covered her body; Clary was not ashamed of her past and did not want to hide the marks that made her who she was. The make-up made her eyes appear dark and prominent, overall she looked badass. Clary grinned, perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, so this is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it**

**Thanks ****to bow down to me peasants**** for reviewing, it made my day. please, please review it is really great reading feedback, don't be afraid to give me suggestions for improvements. **

**Two parts of this chapter (Simon's t-shirt and his line about wannabe Goths) are both from City of Bones so full credit to Cassandra Clare **

**I forgot the disclaimer last time so this is for both chapters, if I were Cassandra Clare I would be a lot cooler and I don't own TMI, I wish I did though. **

Clary had already been to see the principal so she had her schedule and knew where to go for homeroom. Most of the students were already seated and were gossiping in groups of two's and three's when Clary entered the room.

Her appearance and the fact that she was a new student caused almost all of the students to stare at her. Clary ignored them and sank into a seat at the back of the room next to a girl with ink black hair; the girl was the only person in the room who was not currently ogling Clary.

Her presence in the seat caused the other girl to look up from her phone; she was very pretty, with chocolate brown eyes and perfect skin. She was wearing ripped skinny jeans and a cropped top that showed an inch of perfectly tanned skin at her waist.

"Hi I'm Clary," the girl studied her before replying

"I'm Isabelle but everyone calls me Izzy." Clary smiled at her,

"Why did you come to this school?" asked Izzy, she didn't seem to care but Clary answered anyway,

"My parents my younger brother and my older sister all died. I'm living with a foster parent." Izzy stared at her; she had obviously not been expecting that for an answer,

"Did they die in an accident?" She asked this time she seemed genuinely interested.

"No," was all Clary said, Izzy waited for a moment but when Clary did not add anything else she went back to texting.

The attention was diverted off Clary when a noisy group of people entered the classroom. From the mixture adoring and jealous looks they were getting Clary assumed that they were the 'popular' group. They all seemed to revolve around one boy in particular; there was no other way to describe him except for perfect.

He had long, gold hair that was styled to make it look like he had just rolled out of bed. He was tall, with well developed muscles in his arms and his appearance was topped off with luminous, golden eyes. Clary hated him immediately; he had a cocky smile and an attitude that screamed

"I'm a sex god and I know it." In a strange way he reminded her of Valentine, Clary wasn't sure why because they looked nothing alike, she guessed it was the confident way in which he handled himself.

A couple of people on the outside of the group caught sight of Clary and started whispering, Clary groaned internally and Izzy muttered,

"This is going to suck, want some backup?" Clary shook her head,

"No I'm good." She knew that if she wanted to establish a reputation, she would have to do it singlehandedly. One of the boys broke away from the centre of the group; he was tall with impossibly dark hair and high cheek-bones. The rest of them took their places at the front of the class, but watched over their shoulders with cruel smiles on their faces. The golden boy had the nerve to wink at her, Clary rolled her eyes.

"Hi I'm Sebastian, nice to meet you," said the dark haired boy, he held out his hand for her to shake. Clary stared at him, after a moment he dropped it and stated the real reason he had approached her.

"You are in my seat, move." He spoke in a confident manner as if he actually expected her to move. Once again Clary rolled her eyes; these populars' made her do that a lot she reflected.

"I was here first, you don't own the seat, just go saunter off you your little friends at the front and when you have done that you can go fu*k yourself." A couple of gasps were emitted from nearby students; everybody was leaning towards them wondering what would happen next. Sebastian narrowed his eyes and leaned forward,

"Move now princess," Clary leaned back in the chair, folded her arms over her chest, looked him directly in the eye and said

"Make me." The room was so silent that a pin being dropped would have sounded loud. Sebastian realised he was cornered- he had to act or she would have proven that his threats were empty. He dropped his bag to the ground and swung a fist at her head.

Clary ducked, avoiding the blow. She raised her hands to grab his head and smashed it as hard as she could against the desk. Sebastian stumbled back, swearing, his nose was bleeding and he already had a bruise forming on his forehead. He was beaten, and Clary hadn't moved out of her chair.

A couple of his friends had risen from their seats, whether it was to help Sebastian or beat her up she would never know because it was at that point that their homeroom teacher, Mr Sanders, entered the room. He registered the unnatural silence in the room and followed the gazes of the students until his eyes rested on Sebastian who was attempting to stop the blood that was pouring from his nose.

"Verlac what happened?" he asked,

"Sebastian came over to say hi but he tripped and his head on the desk," replied Clary in a sweet voice, Mr Sanders nodded,

"Well go and see the nurse," Sebastian shot Clary a death glare before grabbing his bag and storming out of the classroom.

"Alright class we have a new student today, she just moved over here from England. Her name is Clarissa Morgenstern,"

"Clary Fray, my name is Clary Fray," Clary interrupted him, she couldn't bear to go by Valentine's last name, instead she had decided to use her mothers, which was Fray.

"My apologies Clary Fray please make her feel welcome." The rest of the class were looking at her with a mix of emotions that ranged from awe to fear to hatred, the looks of hatred were mainly coming from Sebastian's friends at the front of the room. Clary singled out the golden boy and shot him a sarcastic smile followed by a wave. His scowl deepened, causing her grin to widen.

"Oh my god that was amazing," screeched Izzy "You are so badass." Clary returned her smile,

"To be honest I was terrified, at one point I thought I was going to wet my pants." She admitted, Izzy laughed and waved goodbye as she walked off to textiles, Clary went in the opposite direction to Art. Once again Clary sat at the back of the room, the teacher didn't introduce her but most of the students were glancing in her direction and whispering, Clary assumed that they had heard about what had happened in homeroom between her and Sebastian, gossip travelled like wildfire in high schools.

Clary ignored them and pulled her sketchbook out of her bag. She was surprised when another person sat in the seat next to her; she raised her head to study him. It was a boy with light brown hair and glasses that made his eyes look bigger than they actually were. He was wearing light jeans and a well- worn t-shirt with the slogan MADE IN BROOKLYN printed on the front. He met her gaze and flashed her a quick smile,

"Hi I'm Simon, you must be Clary, I've heard a lot about you,"

"Shouldn't that mean you should know to stay away from me?" Clary asked,

"I always sit here, I'm not moving just because some wannabe Goth with dyed blonde hair decided to sit next to me." Despite herself, Clary laughed, Simon continued, encouraged that she wasn't about to punch him.

"Besides, those guys always pick on me so somebody who stands up to them can't be all bad."

"So you're thinking along the lines of 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'" Simon grinned,

"Exactly," Clary nodded,

"Okay." Simon seemed confused,

"Okay what?"

"Okay I will be your friend." She smiled at him and he tentatively smiled back, they spent the rest of the lesson casually chatting whilst they did their work. Clary grinned inwardly, she had made two good friends on her first day, maybe life in New York wasn't going to be as bad as she first thought.

Before lunch Clary had English, Izzy was in her class so they walked to the canteen together. On the way Clary spied Simon standing in front of a locker and gestured for him to join them,

"Simon this is Izzy, Izzy this is Simon," Simon would dislocate his jaw if it dropped any further, Clary thought to herself. Izzy smiled in greeting,

"Are you eating with us?" Simon grinned and nodded,

"Sure, I mean only if you want me to," he trailed off awkwardly.

"Of course," Izzy smiled and they located an empty table, which was difficult considering how crowded the cafeteria was.

Clary had finished her apple and was starting to devour her chicken sandwich when she heard Simon gasp and Izzy mutter,

"Well this isn't good," two girls were walking over to their table. They were both brunette, one had snow white skin whilst the other's was a light caramel colour. They were both wore skimpy skirts and low cut tops.

"You must be Clary," the one with caramel skin said in a sickly sweet voice, "I'm Aline and this is Emily."

"Hi it's so nice to meet you," said Clary in an imitation of Aline's overly-sweet voice.

"Look I know that you're new here and all but if one of us," she gestured to herself, Emily and the people sitting around the 'popular' table "asks you to do something, you do it understood?" Clary realised that she was referring to the incident in homeroom.

"Look I don't listen to sluts like you, so go skip back to your friends and we can forget we had this conversation, understood." The cafeteria was silent, Clary idly wondered why people had to go silent when something interesting was happening between two people, couldn't they just mind their own business?

"Are you calling me a slut," Aline's voice had risen a few octaves in anger,  
"Yes," said Clary, attempting to control her anger,

"Just because I have sex with guys and you are a jealous virgin does not give you the right to call me a slut." Aline was screaming now, Clary snapped,

"Where I come from girls as young as twelve are forced to go into prostitution just to feed their families, half of them wear more clothes then you are currently wearing when they are working their corners. If you could meet them, you would laugh at them and call them sluts. You would ignore how brave they are to put themselves through that to help their families survive. You however parade around opening your legs to every guy that so much as looks your way, because you enjoy it not because you have to do it and you have the nerve to get annoyed when I call you a slut." Aline was speechless, she turned and stalked over to her table. Simon and Izzy were both staring at her with wide eyes, Clary squirmed under the force of their combined gazes, Simon seemed to sense her discomfort and changed the subject.

"So do you guys like Star wars?"

School went quickly after that, although Clary was constantly annoyed by the fact that everywhere she went students either stared at her, whispered to each other or did both. When she was leaving school she noticed the golden boy, he was leaning against a sleek black motorcycle and Clary guessed that he had been waiting for her because he strode over the moment he laid eyes on her.

"You must be Clary," he said it like a statement, not a question so she didn't bother replying.

"You made two very big mistakes today," he continued, Clary raised an eyebrow

"How so?" she replied,

"You beat up my best friend and you insulted my girlfriend," he spoke in a soft, threatening voice that sent shivers of fear up Clary's spine.

"They were asking for it," she replied coolly,

"You hurt them, you hurt me. You are going to regret the day you ever decided to come to this school Clary Fray." He spoke it like a promise, not a threat,

"Do I get the honour of knowing who has decided to ruin my life?" Clary refused to feel threatened by this cocky golden boy.

"Jace Wayland." Was his reply before he turned and walked back to his motorcycle.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, stay tuned for the next one which will feature the rivalry between Clary and Jace. Till then, bye bye**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay Dokey, here is the next chapter. It is a bit of a filler, its main purpose is to lay the foundations of the rivalry between Jace and Clary. **

**As always review, they make me smile. A massive thank-you to ****bow down to me peasants ****for correcting my spelling of Clary's last name on the previous chapter so I could correct it, I don't like publishing stories with errors in them so please let me know if I have included one so I can fix it **

**Thanks to ****mywish21, Alphafemale015**** and ****bow down to me peasants**** for reviewing chapter three, you guys made my week. **

**Disclaimer- I am not Cassandra Clare and do not own TMI**

Clary woke up, gasping from the nightmare. It had featured herself, but instead of being beaten by Valentine, she was Valentine. She kept kicking Amy, unable to stop herself until Amy stopped screaming, and then until she stopped breathing.

By that time Clary's hands, clothes and shoes were coated in sticky blood. Then Amy's body shrank until it was Jonathan and Clary held a gun in her blood soaked hand, Valentine's voice was taunting in her head,

"It's your fault they are dead, all your fault." It was at that point that Clary had woken up, once again drenched in sweat. She reached under her pillow and folded her hand around the cool handle of her knife, she drew it out and pulled the blade across her skin, creating a line of scarlet underneath the two half healed gashed that already scarred her wrist.

The pain pulled her out of the remaining darkness of the nightmare. When she was done, she showered, the dried blood being pulled from her wrist, turning pink before descending down the plughole like a forgotten memory.

For school that day she wore a short black halter neck dress, paired with a green army jacket and ankle boots studded with small squares of metal. Her legs were pale and spotted with blotchy bruises and thin scars, after some consideration Clary pulled on a pair of tights, covering the imperfections.

When she went to homeroom Jace was already seated, with his feet resting on his desk and his arms crossed loosely over his chest.

"Oh look it's the wicked witch of the West, are you going to curse me?" he sneered, Clary rolled her eyes at the pathetic attempt of an insult. Things continued like that for a couple of weeks with Jace insulting Clary whilst she ignored him, it was obvious to everyone watching that one day the increasing tension between them would boil over, that day occurred next Wednesday in homeroom.

The argument started with a rubber band. Clary had been sitting in homeroom talking to Izzy when Jace had sent the missile her way, Izzy had warned her it was approaching and Clary had darted her hand out into the air with the speed of a snake and caught the rubber band.

"Aww little Jace can't shoot a rubber band, it's a miracle you can go to the bathroom with aim like that." Taunted Clary, even though the band had been aimed very well and would have hit her if she hadn't caught it, Jace responded,

"I guess it was so repulsed by your ugly looks it decided to fly the other way, I can't blame it. I don't know how you put up with her Izzy." Clary knew that Jace was Izzy's adopted brother, how she put up with him Clary didn't know, Izzy also had a twin brother, Alec and a younger brother, Max.

"I put up with you don't I." Izzy sneered, "Clary is a hundred times better," Jace seemed offended for a second, but then the look passed and was replaced by a sneer.

"Well you two are meant to be friends, the dumpy sister who is a complete failure and the wannabe Goth, why do you even dress like that Clary? You should be glad that you have no siblings, they would be ashamed to even look at you."

Clary knew that Jace had no idea that she had ever had siblings but the comment was enough to make her jump from her seat and before she knew it she had flown to the front of the room and had slapped Jace as hard as she could. He was silent for a moment stunned, his cheek was already turning red Clary thought with satisfaction.

"What the hell, you are crazy." He yelled, his voice amplified by the complete silence that had filled the room.

"At least I don't live my life pretending to be somebody I'm not just to be popular. Do you actually like any of your so called friends? You do have siblings and they barely talk to you, I might be a little bit crazy but at least I'm being myself." Clary screamed back,

"Well if you are being yourself maybe you should pretend to be different because nobody likes you at the moment." Jace retorted, Clary narrowed her eyes and replied,

"At least when I graduate I will leave knowing that all of the friends I have made like me for who I am, not because they needed to like me in order to be popular." They were standing chest to chest, Jace towering over her, both of them were breathing hard from shouting,

"I will ruin your life Clary Fray, you will regret the day you ever insulted me." Clary rolled her eyes,

"You said that two weeks ago I can guarantee you there is nothing that you can do to me that can ruin me because I have been through ten times worse." Jace was about to reply but was interrupted by the entry of Mr Sanders, he had a habit of interrupting fights Clary thought, she sent one more dirty look to Jace before returning to her seat.

The rest of their fights involved a few insults being exchanged in passing and the occasional screaming confrontation. However Clary knew that things were going to get worse and had almost no hope of getting better.

The friendships between Clary, Izzy and Simon thrived, although Clary always felt guilty when Jace insulted one of them for being friends with her, she felt particularly sorry for Izzy who was forced to live with him. On Friday three weeks after Clary had arrived at St. Xavier's she had art last period.

It was both a curse and a blessing, Clary loved art because she could let her emotions out she also got to spend the lesson causally chatting with Simon. The curse however came in the form of Jace Wayland, Clary often remarked that everything he had in looks he lacked in personality. His never ending taunts were grating on Clary's nerves, it didn't help that she was constantly tired from the nightmares, when she did sleep she almost always woke up more exhausted then when she went to sleep. Clary had begun sketching a skull adorned with ivy when Mrs Watson spoke,

"Okay class for the next assignment you have to work in pairs, before you start grabbing your friend you should know that I have decided who you are working with based on the relationships I have analysed whilst you are in class, I have paired you with somebody who I think will be a challenge for you to work with. You have to paint portraits of each other, but not in the traditional way, you have to capture the soul of your partner in the painting, to do this you will have to know everything about them from their favourite colour to their darkest secrets. All of the partner are boy girl to add more difficulty to the task because it is harder to fully understand somebody of the opposite sex" Clary glanced nervously at Simon, silently praying for him to be her partner.

"Okay here are the partners. Simon with Aline, Alex with Naomi, Jordan with Maia, Natalie with Zac, Emily with Chris, Lynton with Maria, Adam and Evie, Katelyn and Andy, Maddy and Issac and Jace and Clary." There was silence before both Jace and Clary let out identical, annoyed groans. For the first time in her life Clary wished she wasn't doing art.

**Stay tuned for the next chapter, it will feature Jace and Clary attempting (and failing) to get along plus the first mention of Izzy and Alec's massive birthday party which will be a massive turning point in Jace and Clary's relationship, Thanks so much for reading and as always review because I will love you forever if you do. xoxoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual but I can't promise to update daily because I am very busy. This chapter is quite short, it introduces Izzy's party and starts the project with Jace and Clary. **

**Thanks to treehugger112010, Guest (I'm guessing that you don't have an account but thanks for reviewing) and greygirl2358 for reviewing, you guys make me smile. **

**Special thanks to bow down to me peasants for reviewing every chapter, it means a lot. **

**Disclaimer- you know how this goes. **

"Ugh I can't believe I have to work with that arrogant ass," complained Clary for what felt like the tenth time that minute. Izzy rolled her eyes whilst Simon muttered something under his breath, Clary didn't hear exactly what he said but she caught the words,

"Complaining... just as bad as Jace...annoying," sighing Clary ceased her complaining. Two days ago she had been partnered with Jace for art and complaining about him had become her number one topic of conversation.

After a half an hour long rant about how arrogant he was, Izzy and Simon had completely lost interest, Clary knew this of course but she couldn't bring herself to stop. The only good thing about their partnership was that it had succeeded in irritating Aline.

The day after Jace and Clary had been paired Clary was washing her hands in the bathroom when Aline and two of her friends had cornered her.

"Keep your hands off my boyfriend you filthy slut," She had sneered, stressing the word slut hoping that it would irritate Clary, it did but she pushed her anger away in favour of an insulting comeback

"Seriously, are you that intimidated by me that you think I'm going to elope with your precious boyfriend or something when we are forced to work together for a stupid project? If you are that insecure maybe you should re-think dating him, or if you are threatened with him being alone with his enemy for hours and don't want to let him out of your sight you could put him on a leash, but I don't think he will like that." Aline had narrowed her eyes until she bore a strong resemblance to a angry bull wearing too much make-up,

"Just remember he is mine,"

"Wow, are boys property now? In that case I will buy Simon off his parents so that he can do all of my homework, do you reckon they will accept debit cards?" Aline had flipped her hair and stalked out of the bathroom, her two friends trailing behind like lost ducklings.

Next period Clary, unfortunately, had art, it was the first time in her life in which she had viewed art in a negative light, and she didn't like it at all.

It was all his fault, she thought to herself as she stormed into the classroom and slumped into her usual seat. Somebody sat in the seat next to her, she looked up, expecting it to be Simon, but she would recognise that golden hair anywhere. Clary bit back a groan and pulled her sketchbook out of her bag.

"Okay class, today you are going to spend the lesson getting to know your partner so you don't need your equipment," announced the teacher, this time Clary uttered the groan out loud. Jace shot her a smug look and turned to face her,

"Hey witchey, so spill your darkest secrets," Clary really detested his stupid smirk,

"To you? Now way, I only tell actual human beings my darkest secrets,"

"But you are not human, so how can you know your secrets,"

"You're right I'm not human, I'm super-human," retorted Clary, Jace raised his eyebrows

"Fine then tell me why did you dye your hair?" his question took her by surprise,

"How do you know I die my hair, oh my god are you stalking me?" Jace laughed, but it wasn't a pleasant laugh,

"Why would I want to stalk you? No, I simply use my eyes; blonde hair does not suit you and is obviously not your natural hair colour." Clary considered how much she should tell him, either nothing or a little bit.

"My hair reminded me of something," was all she said, Jace shrugged, resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to say anything else.

"How did your parents die?" Clary asked, wanting to change the subject to something Jace would hate,

"How do you know my parents are dead?" he asked, avoiding answering, Clary shot him an exasperated look,

"The Lightwoods adopted you," Jace just shrugged. The lesson continued like that with one of them asking a personal question whilst the other did their best to either avoid answering or release as little information as possible.

Clary ended the lesson knowing absolutely nothing more about Jace and Jace ended the lesson with no knowledge of Clary's past, likes, dislikes or secrets. They both had a suspicious feeling that they were going to fail the test.

After school Simon, Izzy and Clary went to the local cafe Java Jones for coffee. Clary avoided complaining about Jace, something she was immensely proud of because her negative feelings towards him had only increased. There was, however, another topic of conversation that was far more important than Jace- Izzy and Alec's upcoming birthday.

Izzy had taken full control over planning the party and was asking Clary for her opinions on food, guests, lighting and many other topics, Simon had been dismissed from the discussion after Izzy discovered he did not know the difference between a sweetheart neckline and a halter neck. He now sat playing angry birds on his phone, Clary envied him.

"What are you going to wear?" asked Izzy, Clary considered for a moment,

"I don't know, I need to go shopping, probably something black." At that Izzy shook her head frantically,

"No, I have to put up with you wearing black every bloody day, you will wear something green."

"Green?" Clary asked, dumbfounded,

"Yes green, it will bring out your eyes, we can go shopping next weekend." Izzy beamed before turning back to the guest list,

"Now who should I invite, Annabeth or Piper, or I suppose we could have both." She pursued her lips, "Clary, what do you think?" It continued like that for about an hour until Izzy packed up all her papers and breezed out of the cafe.

Amy and Jonothan sat tied together in a glass container full of water there was a door in one side but it was held closed by a metal lock, Clary could tell from the desperate looks on their faces that they were drowning and near death.

Looking up she saw a key hanging above her, Clary reached up but the key moved higher. Amy and Jonothan were staring at her, their eyes full of hatred and disappointment, Valentines taunting voice filled her head,

"God Cary are you so useless that you can't reach up to get a key, you brother and sister are dying and you are just sitting there like the useless worm you are." Clary tried to grasp the key but, once again, it rose higher so that her fingers just brushed it, unable to grasp freedom for her brother and sister but to feel it just out of her reach.

Looking over Clary saw them both slump over, dead. Valentines laughter followed her like a plague. Clary woke up screaming, as she reached under her pillow and began to move the blade across her wrist she realised something.

No matter how many days passed since Valentine's death, no matter how many more days she lived through, Clary's life would always be ruined by Valantine, it was his last gift to her. And that thought was just as depressing as the scarlet tears that leaked out of her cut.

**So this is the end of the chapter, please review to make me smile. The next chapter will feature a truce, a shopping trip and some flirting. Stay tuned. xoxoxoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sup guys, this is a very short chapter, Jace and Clary finally stop arguing, Sebastian and Clary make a fresh start and Izzy and Clary go shopping with bad consequences. **

**Thank you so much to bow down to me peasants, random person 42 and greygirl2358. **

**Please give me feedback, I love getting it and if you have any constructive criticism please tell me so that I can improve. **

**Disclaimer- If I was Cassandra Clare I would be a much better author then I currently am. **

Jace and Clary's conversations in art continued for a little while, full of sarcasm, snide comments and avoiding personal questions, it frustrated Clary because she knew nothing about Jace and she was supposed to be painting his soul. So far her options were to hand in a blank canvas, a canvas painted completely black or a picture of the devil. On Monday Clary had art first lesson, Jace was already seated when she walked in,

"How's it going witchey?" that had become his nickname for her, Clary rolled her eyes,

"Look Wayland you might not care about your grades but I want to pass art so can we call a truce until we finish this project?" Jace considered for a moment before shrugging,

"Sure why not?" Clary smiled gratefully,

"How about we take it in turns to ask questions and if the question is too personal we can just say skip," Jace nodded,

"What is your favourite band or singer?" Clary considered for a moment,

"I like lots of songs; I don't have one particular favourite band. My top ones are green day, all time low; Pink, 5 seconds of summer and Iron maiden, what about you?"

"Radiohead and Iron Maiden," Jace replied, smirking,

"Why do you always smirk?" asked Clary, Jace laughed

"I don't know it's kind of an instinct, but most people seem to like it," Clary nodded, Jace studied her for a moment

"Why did you move over here?" A lump formed in her throat, Clary swallowed nervously

"Skip," Jace didn't push her for an answer.

"What colour did your hair used to be before you dyed it?" he asked instead,

"Red," Clary whispered in a barely audible voice. At the end of the lesson Clary had learnt his favourite colour (black) ,food (Mu Shu pork), hobbies (sport and hanging out with friends) and lots of other basic details about his life. It was a start but she still had no idea what his soul was like, but she suspected it wasn't as bad as what she first thought.

Clary had gym next, unlike lots of the other girls she didn't mind running around and getting sweaty because it was a good distraction from life. Today they were playing football, Clary scored three goals, and assisted on four. The final score was 14-9, her team had won. By the end she was red faced and gasping. Lots of her team mates came up to give her high fives and mutter,

"Good job," Clary gulped down half of her water bottle,

"You have some good moves," Clary turned round to see Sebastian standing behind her, she glared at him.

"I know I gave a bad first impression, so can we start over. Hi my name is Sebastian Verlac and you've got some good moves," he held out his hand, after a moment of consideration Clary shook it,

"Hi Sebastian I'm Clary and perhaps I can try some of my moves out on you sometimes," she grinned and Sebastian took a step closer to her and whispered in her ear,

"I would like that," Clary flashed him a smile before heading to the girls' locker room, his gaze following her.

Clary met Izzy outside school as the final bell rang, today was, unfortunately, the day where Izzy took her dress shopping.

"So where do you want to start? I know these really cool little boutiques that have the nicest dresses," Izzy said in a voice that Clary considered too excited when they were facing an afternoon of trying on skimpy scraps of fabric.

"Sure," she said trying to sound enthusiastic. Twenty minutes later Izzy parked her car and led Clary into a small shop where they proceeded to try on countless dresses, shoes and items of jewellery.

Clary found lots of dresses that she would have liked to wear, but Izzy shook her head at each one, insisting that they would find the 'perfect' dress. Clary had no idea what she considered the 'perfect' dress to be but she hoped that would find it soon. It was in their final shop that Izzy finally approved one of the dresses that Clary had tried on.

It was dark green lace with a halter neck that hugged all of her curves and made her boobs look a lot bigger than they actually were, it was very short and just covered her underwear. Clary looked in the mirror and the only thing she could think of was how much Amy would have liked it. Izzy purchased a sleeveless baby blue dress that made her legs look a million miles long. Clary put on a smile as they left the shop with their dresses but all she felt was an overwhelming sadness.

The moment she got home she slammed her bedroom door and threw the dress into the back of her wardrobe. She pulled out her sketchpad and began to draw, she drew Amy wearing the dress that she had just bought, she drew her auburn hair, her green eyes and her smiling mouth.

A sob escaped from Clary, followed by more sobs and tears. Clary curled up into a tight ball and began crying uncontrollably. With shaking hands the dragged her knife across the top of her thigh, it was a deep cut and scarlet blood welled up almost immediately, instead of making another cut or rubbing away the blood as she normally would, Clary grabbed her paintbrush and soaked it in the scarlet drops running from the cut.

She then proceeded to paint words on the picture she had drawn. Useless, nothing, ugly, slut, worthless and many more until the page was covered with glistening scarlet words, words Clary could only use to describe herself.

**So that was the chapter, as always review and I will love you forever. The next chapter will feature the one month anniversary of the deaths of Jonathan, Jocelyn and Valentine. **


	7. Chapter 7

**So here is the next chapter,**

**Thanks to unscenced and bow down to me peasants for reviewing, in reply to the reviews thanks for the advice unscenced I will keep that in mind. Bow down to me peasants, yes it was meant to be depressing and things will get worse before they get better. **

**Clary and Jace are finally getting on, yay **

Clary did not want to wake up; today marked the one month anniversary of the deaths. Normally she got annoyed when people considered one month anniversaries important, but she couldn't get over the fact that they were gone and not coming back.

Today was not the day they died, it was the anniversary of the day they were buried. This day carried much more significance to Clary because up until the day of the funeral she had harboured a secrete hope that they might actually be alive.

Turning over she felt something rough touch her hand, she opened her eyes and saw that she was touching the drawing she had made that night. She picked it up and stared at it, the letters were scrawled and uneven and the blood had dried to a dull red colour. She felt sick. Clary pulled herself out of bed and stumbled over to the shower, hoping to wash away the bad memories.

"Hey Clary," Luke appeared in the doorway of Clary's room as she put on the finishing touches to her look, she was wearing a green army jacket paired with a black skater skirt, black tights and a black cropped top. On her feet she wore a tattered pair of Doc Martin rip offs.

"Sup Luke," she said, lining her eyes with black eyeliner.

"I was wondering if you could take care of the shop tonight?" he asked, Clary nodded as she began applying mascara,

"Sure what time do you want me to lock up?"

"Around six would be good," Clary nodded as she dabbed lip-gloss onto her lips. Luke smiled gratefully and left. Clary grabbed her backpack and pulled her helmet on, she straddled her motorcycle and drove off to school.

The mornings classes were uneventful, Clary spent most of them counting down the hour on her phone. After lunch, aka unidentifiable slop, she had English with Izzy. They sat in their desks, Clary was staring at her phone (2O minutes to go) when Izzy tossed a folded piece of paper onto her desk. Clary unfolded it,

_Hey, the party starts at 9; can I come over after school so that we can start getting ready? _Clary scribbled a reply hastily,

_I'm working till 6, can u come over then? _Izzy glanced at it and nodded,

_Sure _Clary didn't reply, instead she went back to staring at her phone.

Clary was on her way out of school when Jace fell into stride next to her,

"What do you want?" she asked, making an attempt to appear civilised, judging by his reply her attempt had failed,

"Who tied your panties in a bunch? I was wondering if you wanted to meet up after school and finish the getting to know each other part of the art project."

"I'm working in Luke's bookshop till six then Izzy is coming over so that we can get ready for the party."

"Who's Luke?"

"He adopted me," Jace looked at her but didn't push the topic.

"We can exchange numbers and if you give me the address, I can come over." Clary nodded unenthusiastically

"Great, I can hardly wait, give me your phone," he handed it to her; she quickly entered her name and number before handing it back to him. He took it and typed, he phone buzzed as she received a call from an unknown number. She saved the number under Jace's name (Asshole from school)

"The address is 64 Emma Street," Jace nodded so she muttered a quick bye before walking off.

Jace arrived only minutes after her, Clary was surprised because she had expected him to be a lot later. He strode in with his signature smirk plastered on his face, Clary had grown to secretly like that smirk but she would never admit it.

"So do you want to get started?" Clary nodded, the art teacher had given them all a sheet of basic things they needed to know about their partners. Clary read question 1, what is their basic life story?

"You go first," she said to Jace because she wanted time to come up with her answer, he hesitated for a moment before answering,

"I never knew my mother and was raised by my father, Stephan. He was strict but kind and I loved him a lot. He died when I was seven and the Lightwoods adopted me, that's basically it." Clary nodded,

"I lived in England for most of my life. I used to have an older sister called Amy and a younger brother called Jonathan. My mother was called Jocelyn and my father was called Valentine. They all died a little over a month ago, well Amy died a couple of weeks before the others, Luke adopted me because he was my godfather." Jace nodded, Clary was glad he didn't ask how her parents died; she guessed he knew that it was hard to talk about because his father was dead. They talked until ten to six when Jace stood and prepared to leave.

Clary was surprised to find that she had enjoyed herself and judging by the smile on Jace's face he had to. He was on his way out when he paused in the doorway,

"Clary when we first met you told me that you have been through way worse than me, do you still think so?" Clary nodded, cautiously

"I watched my father be murdered, have you been through worse than that?" he was not being arrogant or rude, he just sounded curious. Clary considered before nodding,

"Yes," Jace shot her a sad look

"Then you have had a really hard life, which is sad because you are an amazing person and I'm sure you didn't deserve what ever happened to you." With that he left, Clary was in shock and was unable to call him back.

Izzy breezed into the shop,

"Why was Jace here?" she asked

"We were doing our art project," Clary replied as she locked the front door of the shop and led Izzy through to the house that was attached to the store by a door.

"Poor thing," Izzy muttered sympathetically, Clary nodded, she was still distracted Jace's comment. When they reached Clary's room Izzy collapsed on the bed,

"Right first things first, how many showers do you need to wash that dye out?" Clary did a mental calculation,

"One," Izzy grinned,

"Well go have one; I want to see your natural hair." Clary argued but eventually Izzy won and Clary trudged into the bathroom to have a shower. When she was done and the dye was washed down the plughole she wrapped her body in a towel and pulled a bandage out of the bathroom cabinet. She quickly covered all the wounds that covered the skin of her wrist; she had been wearing a jacket all day so Izzy wouldn't know it was new. When she walked into her bedroom Izzy gasped,

"Wow Clary your hair is amazing,"

"Thanks," Clary muttered,

"Why in the world did you dye it?" In answer Clary opened one of her drawers and pulled out the picture with Amy in it, she handed it to Izzy who studied it,

"Is this your older sister?" She asked and Clary nodded,

"She looks just like you,"

"Yeah" Izzy's eyes widened when she realised why Clary had dyed her hair,

"I am so sorry I didn't mean to upset you," Clary shrugged,

"It's okay I needed to take the dye out anyway and you helped me do it." Izzy smiled tentatively before reaching into her backpack and pulling out a hair dryer, Clary sighed knowing that the next couple of hours would be torture.

Izzy dried her hair so that it fell in gentle waves down her back. Clary paired her dress with thigh high black boots that would hide her scars and a black leather jacket. Izzy kept her make-up simple with sparkly green eyeliner, mascara, foundation and a light coat of lip-gloss. Clary admired her reflection in the mirror; she looked sexy and dangerous, perfect. Izzy paired her blue dress with strappy black heels and simple make-up that enhanced her already amazing features. She pulled her hair into a complicated braid at the side of her head and finished the look with a lip-gloss that made her lips look cherry red. They were ready to go. _  
_

**So here is the chapter, as always review they make me smile. Just a small announcement, I won't be uploading for a few days because I am really busy in school. xxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here you go, it's kind of short but I didn't want to blabber on just too add length. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I love getting them.**

**I have been through all of the previous chapters and added more spaces, thanks to the people that suggested I do that, receiving constructive criticism really helps. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own mortal instruments, if I did I would be able to afford a new laptop. **

Clary and Izzy rode to a club called pandemonium where Izzy and Alec were having their party. They were about twenty minutes early because Izzy wanted to make sure that everything was perfect, Clary perched on a chair next to the bar watching as Izzy rushed around at speeds Clary considered impossible to reach in heels that high.

Eventually people began to filter in through the doors and the party began. After about ten minutes Izzy came charging over to her,

"Oh my god, did you hear that Jace broke up with Aline?" she shrieked,

"That's good she was a total bitch," replied Clary and Izzy nodded,

"Come on let's dance," she didn't give Clary a chance to respond before she grabbed her arm and pulled her over to the dance floor. They were dancing together when Clary felt a pair of hands grab her waist, she spun to face the owner of the hands and smiled flirtatiously when she realised it was Sebastian.

They danced together for the next three songs, at the start of the fourth one he grabbed her hand and pulled her to a nearby storage room. The fell against each other kissing, Clary explored the muscles of his arms and back whilst his hands roamed her body.

She allowed him to run his hands along her thighs but when he attempted to unzip the back of her dress, Clary fell into a memory of the first time she had attempted prostitution.

Sebastian was no longer an attractive seventeen year old boy; he was a balding middle age man who was unzipping her dress in the back of his car so that his wife would not find out. Clary pushed Sebastian away, her eyes were filled with tears,

"Stop, please stop," He jerked back with anger flashing in his eyes,

"What the hell Clary you are such a tease,"

"I'm sorry, I just,"

"Just nothing, what happened to the hot, sexy Clary? Which one is the real you, the pathetic weepy one standing in front of me or the flirty girl from school?"

"The flirty girl," Clary lied blinking away the tears before they fell down her face,

"Then act like it," Sebastian began kissing her again and she slapped him with all the force she could muster. He jerked back, now his eyes were full of rage, he backhanded her across the face and Clary stumbled back, tripped on a wire and fell to the ground.

"You bitch; I will make you regret the day you were ever born," he used the same threat Valentine had used many times before he began beating her.

Sebastian stormed out of the room and Clary picked herself up off the floor, she lifted a hand to inspect her cheek and winced, she would have a bruise tomorrow. She strode over to the bar and signalled to the bartender,

"Give me shots; I don't care how many just line them up." He complied, pouring her a row of shots and she drowned the first one in a matter of milliseconds.

She scanned the room and couldn't see Sebastian, she did see Izzy and Simon dancing very close together, that sight bought a smile to her face because she knew that they both had feelings for each other.

After her fourth shot Clary was feeling very woozy, but the fogginess helped erase the memories. Jace collapsed into the stool next to her and drowned one of her shots; Clary couldn't be bothered to shoot him a glare.

"Bad day?" she asked,

"you could say that, Aline didn't take the break-up well,"

"She wouldn't," Jace studied her,

"What about you, the Clary I know would be out there dancing and breaking hearts, your hair is amazing by the way, don't dye it again."

"Sebastian happened, and thanks Izzy made me take the dye out,"

"What did the asshole do?" Jace's voice was suddenly hard,

"Nothing, I just had some bad memories,"

"About your past?" he asked

"yeah," she sighed, " about my dad," Jace didn't say anything so she continued, sober Clary wouldn't tell him any of this but drunk Clary let her emotions show,

"You told me about your bad childhood so I will tell you about mine," and she did, she told him about the beatings, the drugs, the alcohol and the prostitution. She told him every bad memory she had about her past.

In the back of her mind she knew that she shouldn't be telling him this stuff, they were not even friends but she needed to tell someone, and he could at least relate to her problems. When she was done his eyes were wide, he sucked in a breath,

"Clary I'm so sorry for being such an asshole towards you after all you've been through you deserve better than idiots like me bullying you,"

"You didn't know and besides I wasn't exactly friendly, I beat up your best friend and insulted your girlfriend." Jace smiled,

"Good memories," they were both silent for a moment, lost in their thoughts. Neither of the saw Sebastian standing in the shadows behind them.

**Thanks for reading, remember to review and make me smile. Stay tuned for the next chapter which features confrontation, kissing and arguments. See you then. xxxxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**So here is the next chapter, In the previous chapter I said there was going to be an argument but I changed some stuff around so the argument will be in the next chapter.**

**I will not be able to upload very frequently for the next two weeks because I am studying for exams, if I do upload the chapters will probably be quite short,**

**Thanks to all of the reviewers. Special thank you to ****Roza Freeborn**** for giving me a suggestion on how to improve my writing, I really enjoy receiving feedback and suggestions on how to improve.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own mortal instruments. **

Clary woke with a pounding headache; the small amount of light filtering in from the blinds pricked her eyes like a thousand tiny needles.

Clary groaned, then immediately regretted the loud noise as it hit her sensitive ears causing the pounding in her head to increase. She sat up slowly and blinked as she looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings.

She lying in a double bed with blue sheets and navy pillows, the room surrounding her was white and spotless; with not a single speck of dust on any of the surfaces. Clary glanced down and realised that she was wearing an oversized men's t-shirt over her underwear.

Clary quickly slid out of the bed and found her clothes neatly folded on top of the bedside table. She picked them up and quickly pulled them on before tiptoeing out of the room.

Walking down the corridor she stopped outside one of the rooms because of the sign on the door announcing it to be Izzy's room, at least she knew whose house she was in. Clary knocked and the door was pulled open. Standing in the doorway was Izzy wearing a tank top and a pair of pyjama shorts, her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she was wearing fluffy pink slippers.

"Clary, how are you?" she grinned knowing that Clary was hungover,

"I'm amazing" grumbled Clary, pushing past Izzy into the room. The walls were black and sponged with gold paint and clothes were strewn everywhere, it was very different to the room Clary had been in before.

"Two things, one what happened? And two can I borrow some clothes, all I have is this dress?" Clary asked, pointing to the green dress she had worn to the party the previous night.

"Sure, you can use my shower and get changed and then we will talk," Izzy shot Clary a knowing look and Clary gulped, wondering what she had done last night.

She padded over to the bathroom opposite Izzy's room and turned the water on letting it run over her body. She quickly washed her hair using Izzy's vanilla scented shampoo and conditioner before wrapping a towel around her body, on the way out of the bathroom she glanced in the mirror and saw a bruise had formed on her cheek, she gasped before hurrying back to Izzy's room, what had happened?

Izzy gave her a pair of leggings that were knee length on her but 3 quarter length on Clary, then she gave her a loose yellow t-shirt that was designed to be a cropped top but on Clary it was normal sized. Clary pulled the clothes on and attempted to brush her hair before giving up and pulling it into a messy bun.

"So what happened?" she asked, Izzy looked up from her mascara,

"Well you got pretty drunk and was talking to Jace, I don't know what you guys were talking about because I was dancing with Simon, after a while he came up to me and said that he was taking you back to our place because you were about to pass out. You slept in his bed and I think he slept on the couch, he's out for a run at the moment but he can fill you in on the details when you get back. I don't know how you got that bruise, probably by tripping over."

"Thanks," Clary smiled; at least she hadn't slept with Jace.

"So why were you talking to him, I thought you hated each other?" asked Izzy as she checked her foundation.

"We decided that since we had to work together in art we would attempt to be civil to each other," muttered Clary. Izzy seemed to accept her answer and they walked down to the kitchen together, Izzy started on a pancake batter whilst Clary filled the kettle up with water and turned it on,

"Where's Alec?" she asked Izzy who was busy whisking,

"He went home with Magnus," she replied, Clary gasped, Magnus Bane was notorious for wearing too much glitter and completely outrageous clothing. She knew Alec was gay but she didn't think Magnus was his type.

"I was surprised as well but Alec seems happy," said Izzy who had heard the gasp. The water finished boiling so Clary grabbed two cups and poured a little bit of instant coffee into the bottom of each one and topped with water, she left hers black but added some milk and sugar to Izzy's. There was a faint sound of an opening door followed by footsteps,

"That will be Jace," said Izzy who was poking at a misshapen black object in the bottom of the pan that Clary feared was a pancake.

"Did somebody say my name," asked the golden boy himself as he strode into the kitchen, trekking mud as he went, grabbing Izzy's cup of coffee he took a sip and pulled a face,

"Ugh sugar,"

Clary rolled her eyes but pulled out another cup and filled it with coffee and water,

"Milk or sugar?" she asked,

"Neither," Jace replied taking the cup from her,

"Thanks,"

For some unknown reason Clary blushed, and then hated herself for doing so, she was Clary Fray and Clary Fray did not blush. Jace shot her the smirk she had grown to love and leaned next to her on the counter,

"Do you remember much of last night?" he asked, the question was innocent enough but there was an edge to his voice that suggested something important had happened.

"No, should I?" Clary replied, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, Jace shot her a look that said 'later' followed by a look at Izzy.

Clary understood that he didn't want to talk to her whilst Izzy was in the room making her once again wonder what she had done last night. She had a strong feeling it was something bad.

After five failed attempts Izzy gave up on pancakes and they all decided to go to a diner down the street. Izzy and Jace insisted the food was spectacular but Clary had doubts, those doubts were caused mainly by the fact that it was small with paint peeling off the walls and a sagging roof. The sign announcing it to be Taki's broken so it read Tki and those letters were flickering.

Despite her protests Izzy and Jace dragged her into the diner and they slid into a booth, Izzy sat next to Clary and Jace sat opposite them. A waitress strode over and took their orders after attempting to flirt with Jace which for some reason made Clary feel a burst of anger, she had no idea why, but Jace ignored the flirting and ordered his food, Clary shot the waitress a smug smile when he turned down her advances and then immediately regretted it.

Cut it out Fray, you do not like him, she thought to herself before ordering coconut pancakes. Izzy ordered some muesli before hurrying off to the bathroom, leaving Jace and Clary alone. They sat in an awkward silence for about a minute before he cleared his throat,

"So umm about last night," he sounded nervous

"What happened," Clary was desperate to know what she had done, Jace sighed and began to speak

"Well you were dancing with Sebastian and then you guys went to make out, he tried to go further but you stopped him and that pissed him off. He punched you and left, you went to the bar and started doing shots. You were pretty drunk when I found you and we started talking. After a while you said that you owed me because I told you about my past and so you should tell me about yours," he paused and Clary's eyes widened.

"Oh my god shit you must think I'm some sort of slutty weirdo," she groaned and put her head in her hands.

"I thought that you would be mad," said Jace sounding surprised.

"Why would I be mad, you didn't force me to tell you I just stupidly did so on my own, please, please don't tell anybody," she begged

"Clary I think you are really brave to go through that, I promise that I won't tell anybody until you are ready." He said, his golden eyes meeting her green ones.

"Thank-you," she whispered. He smiled,

"I wondered if you wanted to go out with me tonight?" he asked, Clary narrowed her eyes immediately suspicious,

"Jace I am not going to sleep with you," she spat, his eyes widened

"No, I meant like a date, I promise I don't want to get into your pants, I've liked you for a while so what do you say, will you go out with me?" he sounded sincere so Clary found herself slowly nodding,

"Okay,"

He smiled widely, causing her to smile as well, and blush. God what was it about him that could reduce her to blushing?

"I'll pick you up at eight," he said and Clary nodded, they were unable to say anything else because Izzy returned.

That night Clary started getting ready at six, she wasn't normally one to care how she looked on dates but she wanted to look perfect for Jace. She ended up wearing her favourite leather jacket, a loose green tank top that highlighted her small curves and a pair of high wasted black shorts.

She finished the look with combat boots before brushing her hair so that it fell in soft waves down her back; she used eyeliner and mascara to make her eyes stand out and covered the bruise on her cheek with concealer.

She loved the finished look because she looked tough and sexy but also a little girly. Jace showed up at exactly eight and survived the meeting with Luke. His motorcycle was parked outside and he handed her a helmet. Before he could get on, Clary stole the key from his hand, slipped onto the front of the bike and started the engine.

"Hey," Jace exclaimed, Clary, being the mature teenager she was, stuck out her tongue,

"I'm driving, get on," She said, Jace smiled and sat on the motorcycle before wrapping his hands around her waist. Clary drove off,

"Where are we going?" she yelled so that he could hear her over the wind. Jace muttered directions in her ear and she followed them until she reached a small garden.

Clary parked the bike and hopped off, Jace clasped her hand before pulling her forward into the garden, Clary gasped as she took in the amazing plants, there were thousands of multicoloured flowers and the air was full of their sweet fragrance.

In the centre of the garden Jace had set up a picnic and they ate and talked together. That night Clary had more fun than anything else she had done in her life, she loved the simple joy she received by idly chatting with a friendly soul who cared about her.

Their hands remained loosely linked for the entire picnic, when they were done eating they packed up and Jace slid onto the front of the bike before Clary could, she grumbled under her breath but climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, secretly enjoying the feeling of his hard muscles. Jace drove the bike expertly and they reached the bookshop quickly, Jace pulled up in front of the bookshop and they slid off the bike,

"I had an amazing time thank you," Clary said and Jace smiled,

"So did I, we should do it again sometime."

Now it was Clary's turn to smile,

"I would like that," she said. They were inches apart when Jace crashed his lips into hers. Clary gasped in surprise before relaxing and kissing him back, his arms were wrapped around her waist and her hands were tangled in his hair. When they broke apart they were both gasping for air, Clary reluctantly pulled away and waved at him before striding up the front path and into the house.

**Well I hope you enjoyed. The next chapter will feature an argument, bad dreams and Sizzy, so stay tuned. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Here you go, it was going to be longer but I am really busy and didn't have time to add more detail, sorry :( **

**Thanks to all the people that have reviewed, I love you all xxx**

**Also thanks to all the people that have followed or favourited my story, it means a lot to me. The next chapter should be up in a couple of days (no promises though) **

**Disclaimer- By now you should know how this goes. **

Clary felt the rough string of the noose scratching her neck; she stood on a raised wooden platform.

In front of her was a hole that stretched down to a black abyss. Amy and Jonathan were tied and gagged on the wall opposite to her.

Even though they couldn't say anything their eyes conveyed their emotions for them- hate, anger and betrayal. Valentine was holding a gun to Amy's head, his eyes gleamed with an evil madness that Clary was used to and hated.

"Clary jump or I will shoot Amy and then Jonathan." He said Clary gulped, feeling the rough noose around her throat and looking at the hole in front of her.

"Jump or I will kill them and once again it will be your fault, everything is your fault you are weak, to love is to destroy and you love too much." Valentine spat, his finger tightening on the trigger of the gun he was pointing at Amy's head. Clary took a deep breath, bent her knees and jumped.

She woke with a thin sheen of sweat covering her body. As was her tradition she reached for the sketchpad that was lying on her bedside table.

She opened it to a new page and drew a wilting rose; the petals were dry and crinkled with some of them falling to the ground.

The stem was slightly bent but the thorns emerging from it were still as sharp as they were the day it became fully grown.

Valentine had always said that a red rose symbolised love but its thorns were the things that accurately portrayed love- sharp and unpleasant.

When she was finished she set the book down on her knees and reached under her pillow for her favourite knife. She drew the blade across the skin of her arm and gasped as the pain flooded through her body, effectively erasing the nightmare for the time being.

Clary closed her eyes so she didn't notice when a trickle of blood dripped off her wrist and onto the rose, colouring parts of it crimson.

When she was done she closed the sketchbook and went to have a shower. She stripped off all of her clothes and stood waiting for the water to heat up.

Clary stared at her body in the mirror, her thighs were dotted with red lines, the same lines circled her right wrist like a bracelet and there were a couple on her upper arm.

Her bruises had faded but scars slightly paler then her skin covered her body, she knew if she could see her back the silver scars would cover it as well. She tore her gaze away from the mirror and stepped into the shower.

She decided on a simple black dress with a studded belt, the top part was tight bringing out her curves but the bottom part hung loosely and ended about six inches above her knees.

She wore her favourite leather jacket and knee high boots with studs on the heel. She tied her hair into a side braid and lined her eyes with eyeliner before finishing with mascara, foundation and a dark red lip stain.

Satisfied with her appearance she grabbed her black messenger bag and left the house. Izzy was driving her to school and pulled up a few minutes later. Clary slid into the passenger seat and was subjected to a high pitched squeal that made her cover her ears.

"Oh my god Clary guess what?" she asked as she drove

"You're pregnant," Clary said and earned a glare from Izzy

"No," she said

"I wouldn't be surprised," muttered Clary,

"What did you say?" asked Izzy, still glaring

"I said of course you aren't," Clary replied

"That's what I thought you said," Izzy grinned,

"So what's the important news?" Clary pressed, wanting gossip, her question earned another squeal before Izzy answered,

"Simon asked me out,"

"What," screeched Clary and Izzy nodded,

"I know,"

"What did you say," Clary almost shook Izzy,

"I said no,"

"WHAT," Clary yelled so loudly Izzy swerved into the other lane before righting the car, although her action had earned her many angry honks from other cars.

"I was joking, of course I said yes,"

Clary relaxed and they talked about Izzy's upcoming date, when they pulled into the parking lot Clary decided now was a good time to tell Izzy about her relationship with Jace,

"Oh Izzy, I'm dating Jace," with that she hopped out of the car, ignoring Izzy's outraged cry of

"And you only just remembered to tell me, GET BACK HERE CLARY FRAY."

Grinning Clary walked to her locker, she was just loading her bag with the books she needed when Aline walked up, her two skanky friends in tow.

"Well look at what was dragged up from the gutter," she sneered,

"Oh god Aline, it's so good to see you. Tell me how did you take the brake-up?" Clary replied in a sickly sweet voice.

"We didn't break up, we are just going through a rough patch," Aline replied but Clary felt a stab of satisfaction when she heard the uncertainty in Aline's voice,

"Are you sure about that," Clary asked

"Totally, Jace likes me," Aline said,

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," came a voice they all turned to see Jace leaning against the lockers next to Clary, they had been so involved with their argument that neither of them had noticed he was there.

"Really, there is nobody that can compare to me," screeched Aline, Jace raised his eyebrows,

"Yes there is," and with that he kissed Clary, it wasn't quick but it was passionate and sparks fired between them.

When the pulled away Clary looked at Aline, her eyes were wide and her mouth was gaping open. She looked like a strange combination of an owl and a fish that was wearing too much make-up. Clary smirked, grabbed Jace's hand and pulled him to class.

The rest of the day passed smoothly, excluding the glances from other students, they had all thought that Jace and Clary hated each other.

The next day Clary drove to school on her motorbike, she was walking towards the front doors of the school when a hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into the shadows at the side of the building. Clary turned to face the person that had grabbed her.

"Sebastian."

**Hope you enjoyed, the next chapter will have Clary's confrontation with Sebastian, so stay tuned for that **** remember to review, bye for now xoxoxoxox**


	11. Miny chapter- incredibly short

**So here is an incredibly short chapter, it is there to set up the next one which I will upload soon. I am really really sorry but I have to study. **** I was going to make it the normal length by adding a sleepover with Izzy and Clary but I didn't have time and to be honest it would not have been that interesting.**

**Thanks to those that reviewed my last chapter, I love getting reviews they make me smile.**

**Disclaimer- I am not Cassandra Clare, she own mortal instruments.**

Sebastian smiled and took a step forward, Clary took one backwards.

"What do you want?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips and sending him a death stare.

Sebastian returned an evil smile and leaned back against the school wall, putting his hands in his pockets. His relaxed posture unnerved Clary more than a defensive one would because she knew that she could beat him in a fight, his relaxation meant he was planning something and that made Clary very uneasy.

"Nothing, I just wanted to have a conversation with a friend," he was still smiling that horrible smile,

"We are not friends," Clary said coldly and turned to leave, Sebastian grabbed her shoulder and jerked her back.

As soon as he did so Clary grabbed the offending hand and twisted so that Sebastian was pressed face first against the building and she was holding his arm behind his back, in this position she could easily break his arm and Sebastian knew it.

"Fine, we are not friends, be my girlfriend," he said in a confident tone as if she would actually be his girlfriend. She twisted his arm more and smiled grimly when he groaned in pain.

"Not even when hell freezes over Verlac," she growled before releasing his arm and storming away,

"Your loss Fray," he called, Clary raised her hand and flipped him off not even turning back.

**Stay tuned for the next chapter to find out what Sebastian does. Review to win an imaginary unicorn :) **


	12. Chapter 12

So here you guys go. It is still a little shorter than usual but a short chapter is better than no chapter at all. Thanks to all of the kind reviews I have been getting, I honestly did not expect my story to get more than two followers so it means a lot to me that so many people have read and enjoyed it.

Disclaimer- I do not own mortal instruments.

Clary and Jace had been dating for about a week and their relationship was running smoothly.

They had minimum arguments and their sarcastic comments were kept to a minimum, after three days people had finally accepted them as a couple and moved on to other forms of gossip, although Simon had informed Clary that people were placing bets on how long their relationship would last.

Clary was almost happy, almost. The dreams kept coming and were steadily getting worse, she had now taken to drinking after cutting and sometimes she considered taking sleeping medication but them dismissed the thought because she deserved the nightmares.

It was her fault they were dead and she was not going to let herself forget that.

So Clary was in a happy relationship with Jace, had many good friends and a good home life, it was the first time in her life that she had been anywhere near happy.

Sebastian had not made another attempt to talk to her and Clary was grateful, his presence made her uneasy and he had a strange resemblance to Valentine.

Aline cast her angry glares at school but she never attempted to ruin her relationship, another thing Clary was grateful for. She sensed that Aline drew a line when it came to cheating, and it almost made Clary feel sorry for stealing her boyfriend,again with the almost.

Clary should have realised that since everything was going smoothly in her life something was about to come along a ruin it.

That something came along in the form of her past. The day had gone smoothly, Clary had woken up, at breakfast and pulled on her usual black clothes before riding her motorcycle to school where she met Jace in the parking lot.

They had walked to class holding hands and had met up between the classes they did not share and exchanged quick kisses, Simon described their relationship as 'sickeningly sweet,' but Clary didn't care and Simon's relationship with Izzy was much the same.

It was during art class that things went wrong, it was their final class of the day and Jace and Clary sat in their usual seats. They had held hands and talked as they worked on their paintings, Clary was happy with hers.

She had drawn a pair of wings that took up most of the canvas, they were glowing gold and seemed slightly 3D with a translucent gold covering on the wings, but the inside of the wings were a stormy mess of grey, black and red representing his horrible past and the scars he now bore.

There was ten minutes left of class and they were discussing their upcoming date to Taki's. Clary went to take their canvases to the front of the room, when she was gone Jace did the unthinkable. He opened her sketchbook.

Clary returned to find him staring at the picture of the rose she had drawn a couple of days previously. The drops of blood had dried to a rusty red colour, Jace had an expression of horror and disgust on his face. Clary snatched the sketchbook away,

"What gives you the right to look at my personal stuff?" she hissed, her voice full of venom. Hurt flashed over Jace's face before being replaced with anger,

"You are my girlfriend. I figured I was allowed to look at your sketchbook." Some of the people nearby where staring at them but Clary ignored their gazes.

"What just because we are dating you think that you have the right to look at all of my stuff? You can forget the date tonight I can't believe I ever agreed to date you Jace Wayland." The ice in her voice could have cut titanium.

She stuffed the book into her bag and stormed out of the room a couple of seconds before the bell rang.

She ignored the confused stares of the students in her class and the satisfied smirk Sebastian had plastered on his horrible face. Clary blinked away tears as she stormed out of school, in the back of her mind she knew that she had overreacted but all that she could remember was the disgust on Jace's face.

Disgust in her.

That's why she ignored him chasing after her and calling her name, instead of running back into his arms like she wanted to she pulled her helmet on and drove away on her bike. That night she cried herself to sleep after cutting, drawing and drinking.

The next day Clary attended school prepared to ignore Jace and deal with the gossip from the other students. What she was not prepared for was the disgusted stares and the whispers of

"Prostitute…. Her dad used to hit her…. Her entire family is dead…. What a freak," **(A\N just snippets of conversations Clary heard.) **Clary had never felt so betrayed. Jace had told everyone her secret.

**Sorry, another kind of cliff-hanger. But review and stay tuned for the next chapter, it will feature arguments and a surprising apology **** until then.. BYE. xxxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**So two chapters in one day, you guys are lucky :P I could not concentrate on work so I decided to write. Thanks to the reviews I have gotten, you guys make me happy, plus I have included a bonus part from Jace's point of view :) **

**Disclaimer- the usual stuff**

Jace told everybody.. .how could he? Clary knew that he was mad but she did not think that he was that mad. Clary squared her shoulders and walked down the corridor, she blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes. She would not cry. Izzy pushed through the crowds of whispering people,

"Oh Clary, are you okay?" her voice was full of sympathy. Clary was glad to see a friendly face,

"I'm fine," she muttered, opening her locker. Somebody had written slut on the door in permanent marker.

"I've heard horrible rumours, stuff like you used to be a prostitute, your father used to abuse you and he killed your siblings and your mother was a druggie." Izzy obviously didn't believe the rumours; Clary wouldn't either if their situations were reversed.

"They are not rumours." Clary's voice was barely audible.

"You mean that actually happened?" asked Izzy, disbelief plain on her face. Clary nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Izzy sounded annoyed, this made Clary angry. S

he had no right to be annoyed, if she was in Clary's position she would not have told anybody_. _

_I shouldn't have told anybody_, she thought_, why did I have to get drunk and tell Jace? _She pulled her thoughts away from her now ex-boyfriend and channelled all her anger towards Izzy,

"What do you mean I should have told you? Why the hell should I have told you Izzy." Clary fumed and Izzy's annoyance turned to rage,

"Because I could have helped you deal with it and not heard about it from some bitch on the cheerleading team." She screamed, a crowd of students had formed around them and Clary groaned internally, why did they have to stick their noses in where they were not wanted?

"What the hell do you know about loss Izzy?" Clary hissed,

" My younger brother died six years ago in a car accident," Izzy whispered, there was loss and regret in her eyes.

Clary felt a strange surge of jealousy, Izzy probably had a family to help her through the death, Izzy knew that Max had died in an accident and that she was not responsible for their deaths.

Clary turned her jealousy into rage,

"So what, your brother died in an accident six years ago, get over it. You would not survive what I've endured, you are selfish and shallow and your personality is about as interesting as a toilet seat. You don't know anything about loss," before Clary could continue or apologise she felt a stinging sensation on her cheek. Izzy had slapped her.

"Bitch," Izzy said savagely before storming off leaving Clary clutching her cheek surrounded by a crowd of gossiping students.

"What are you freaks looking at?" she yelled before storming off.

That day she skipped school, Luke was away at some book conference so she had the house to herself.

As soon as she got home Clary put her earphones in and listened to relaxing songs until she fell asleep sobbing. She was woken by a knocking on the door; she glanced over at the clock on her bedside table and gasped when she saw the time. 3.30, she had slept all day.

Clary stumbled to the door and stood with her hand hovering above the handle not wanting to open it in case Simon or Izzy were here to yell at her or maybe it was Jace coming to taunt her, he had called her countless times until she turned her phone off.

Frankly Clary would have preferred a serial killer to be at the door, expecting the worst she unlocked the door to reveal a pretty girl with caramel skin wearing sluty clothing.

"Aline?" Clary exclaimed in disbelief,

"Hey," Aline said in a voice that lacked her usual false sweetness.

"How do you know where I live?" Clary asked then mentally slapped herself, of all the things she could have asked that was the question she chose?

"Umm I know Luke looks after you and I live near here so I know he owns the bookstore, is it okay if I come in?" Clary stepped aside to let her enter, what the hell, she figured if Aline was here to mock her it would be easier to beat her up without worrying about people seeing.

"Look I've heard about the rumours and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being such a bitch"

"What?" Clary asked, that was not the response she had been expecting from Aline of all people.

"Yeah, look I figure you can keep a secret and not judge me, my mum is a prostitute and she is one of the bravest people I know, I respect you for going through the pain that you have been through because I know I would not be able to deal with it." Aline stared at her hands for the entire duration of her speech.

"Wow, um thanks Aline, that means a lot especially coming from you," Clary wasn't sure how to respond to Aline's comment,

"Look I don't like you and we will never be friends but I will stop bullying you." Aline stood and gave her a small smile before leaving.

Clary sat on the couch for a while mulling over Aline's words, eventually she picked up a novel and began reading, not really understanding the meanings just staring at the words.

A loud banging on the door made her jump and she walked cautiously over to the door and opened it revealing Simon, at first she was relieved to see a friendly face but then she saw the anger in his eyes and groaned internally. This was not going to go well.

"How the hell could you say those things to Izzy?" Simon spat, Clary closed her eyes and leaned against the doorframe.

"I don't know" she muttered

"Izzy was trying to help you and you treated her like crap, you don't deserve help from me or anyone else for that matter." He said, his voice contained enough venom to kill a herd of elephants.

Clary slumped against the doorframe, unable to chase him or call after him, unable to stand on her own.

After what felt like an eternity she peeled herself off the door and walked to her room. She pulled her razor out and began cutting her arm, only this time she did not cut a line;

she wrote the words My fault.

Clary sat like that all night in a trance like state, when she finally looked around she realised that her blood dried on her arm and she was clutching the razor so tightly that it had cut deeply into her palm.

Wincing she pulled her hand away from the blade and wiped the blood off the razor; she stood up awkwardly due to her stiff muscles and hobbled over to the shower.

She stripped off and stood under the water not bothering to wait for it to warm up and not bothering to turn the temperature down when the water turned boiling.

She deserved the pain.

When she was done and her muscles were looser she pulled on a pair of black leggings and a hoodie.

She had no intentions of going to school that day, what was the point? That triggered a question in her brain, what was the point? Why should she bother living when she obviously didn't deserve to live?

Clary reached over, grabbed her sketchbook and without realising she was doing so began drawing.

When she was done she glanced at the clock, everybody would be in classes.

Perfect. She ran to her bike and didn't bother putting on a helmet before she drove away towards school.

She sprinted to her locker and used blue-tac to pin up the drawing.

When she was done Clary ran out of school and drove back to the house, she rummaged through her drawers, grabbing her razor and the picture of herself, Amy and Jonathan that she had brought with her. She was ready to end it.

JPOV

Jace could not concentrate in any of his classes, his thought always drifted back to Clary.

He knew that she blamed him for telling everybody because nobody else knew, but he hadn't done it.

At first he had been mad after their argument in art that anger had then turned into worry after he realised the implications of the picture.

The worry had then been replaced by rage after Izzy told him what Clary had said to her, before being changed once again into worry for Clary that worry had doubled when she had not attended school.

He had told himself that she just didn't want to face the crowds but he had a nagging voice in his mind saying that something was wrong, that voice increased in volume when she didn't answer any of his calls or texts.

He was on his way to English when he passed her locker and noticed something stuck to it, moving closer he realised it was a drawing. He felt a twist in his stomach, that twist turned into cold dread when she saw the picture.

It was a picture of a faceless red haired girl embracing a cloaked demon.

He understood the implication of that drawing, it was a suicide letter.

Clary was going to kill herself.

**So did you love it, hate it, not have any particularly strong feelings about it? Tell me in a review **** write to you guys soon bye. xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Here you go, the next chapter. As always thank-you to the people who have taken the time to review, follow and favourite my story as well as all the people that read it. My next update might take a little longer because I honestly have no idea where this story is going, I know a rough plot but that's about it. Hope you enjoy reading **

**Disclaimer- I am not Cassandra Clare so I obviously do not own mortal instruments.**

Clary brought the razor to her wrist and pushed the blade in as deep as it would go, immediately blood welled out of the deep cut, clary dragged the blade across her skin widening the wound.

She assumed that there would be pain, but she didn't feel anything except for guilt.

You deserve this, she thought furiously to herself before moving the razor to her left hand and repeating the same process her other wrist.

Blood was running freely over her skin and onto the bathroom floor.

She began deepening the cut on her right wrist before once again switching and sawing away at her left wrist.

She continued this process until her hands were shaking and she was almost unconscious due to blood loss, a shiver of shock ran through her when she heard the sounds of sirens and banging on the front door, faintly she heard somebody cry out,

"Open the door or we will knock it down," Clary made no attempt to respond but began cutting at a faster pace;

she had to die before they reached her.

There was a loud banging and a faint crack that told Clary that they had knocked down the front door, her wrists, clothes and surroundings were all covered in glistening scarlet blood.

Darkness began to cover her vision like rainclouds clocking the sun.

She heard a faint banging on the door and it burst open revealing Jace and a team of paramedics. Jace ran over to her and snatched the razor out of her hand before throwing it to the other side of the bathroom.

"No" Clary screamed and attempted to rush forward in a desperate attempt to retrieve the blade that she was using to end her life. Jace threw his arms around her, restraining her and preventing her from moving, Clary writhed and screamed attempting to get away,

"No let my die, I want to die," She sobbed, Jace was now also covered in her blood and he had scratches along his arms and on his hands where Clary had desperately clawed at them.

"Clary it's okay, everything is going to be okay," he whispered over and over in her ear whilst more paramedics entered the room, Clary's adrenaline gradually wore off, turning her desperate screams into low cries into hoarse whisperes, but she never ceased muttering

"Let me die, I want to die," her body was limp in Jace's arms and she was sobbing uncontrollably as all of her hopes of escaping into nothingness disappeared.

The paramedics injected her with some kind of sleeping medicine that cast her into unconsciousness, all she was aware of were Jace's arms around her and his broken voice whispering into her ear. And then there was nothing.

Clary awoke in an uncomfortable bed with strange surroundings, looking around she realised she was in a hospital. She looked down at her wrists and found them bandaged, she almost screamed, was she so pathetic that she couldn't even kill herself?

Next time she would jump out of a window or something.

Widening her attention she became aware of two presences in the room. On both sides of her bed there was a person asleep in a chair; on her left was somebody with beautiful blonde hair that covered his face whilst he snored quietly.

Jace.

Clary felt a wave of anger, how dare he come here? He was the reason everybody knew her secret and she guessed the reason she was not dead, did he think she would just forgive him for his actions?

On her right side was a person that actually brought a smile to her face, Luke. He looked pale, tired and drawn with large black smudges under both eyes.

Clary felt a wave of guilt for being the cause of those shadows, she loved Luke but he was not enough to erase her past.

As if he felt her gaze, Luke stirred and his eyes fluttered open, when he saw her they widened and he dived forward engulfing her in a hug,

"Oh thank god you are okay, I was so worried," He muttered and Clary clung on to him like he was her lifeline, which in a way he was.

His sudden movement had woken Jace who was slowly sitting up but Clary refused to look at him, her movements had also triggered a nurse who had entered the room only to be waved away by Luke, he turned to Clary with a stern expression,

"Don't ever scare me like that again you hear me?" Clary looked down at her hands but made no promises, Luke didn't notice because he was hugging her again.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, his voice sounded concerned, "was there anything I did to cause it or was there any way I could have prevented it?" the amount of pain in his voice almost broke Clary, she hadn't meant to hurt Luke,

"No you did nothing wrong, I just wanted to end it." She muttered, unable to stand the look of concern in his eyes she began examining her hands again.

"Clary why didn't you talk to me?" he asked, now his voice sounded broken.

"I don't know I guess I just blamed myself for everything and thought I deserved to suffer," she had never realised how complicated the patterns on her palm were. Luke grabbed her face, turning her to look directly into his eyes,

"Clary listen to me, none of the things that happened were your fault, you don't deserve to suffer more than you have already,"

Clary nodded and a tear slipped out of her eye, tracking a path down her face and leaving a glistening trail in its wake. Jace cleared his throat and shuffled on his seat,

"Luke is it okay if I talk to Clary alone?" he asked, Clary still refused to look at him, Luke shot her a questioning glance and she nodded in reply, he stood up and left the room closing the door behind him.

After he left there was a silence so awkward Clary thought she would be able to cut the air with a knife if she tried when Jace finally spoke.

**There you go, hope you enjoyed it. Remember to review to make my existence worthwhile, until next time bye. xxxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**As many of you may have noticed I have changed the name of my story, I didn't like New Beginnings very much and wanted a new name. Thanks to all of the people that reviewed. **

**Sorry it took so long for me to upload; this chapter is extra-long to make up for it. There are no new twists to the plot because I am just wrapping up the story but I hope you enjoy the chapter, it is happier than most of my other ones. **

**Disclaimer- If I was Cassandra Clare I would not be writing fanfiction for my own story, she owns all of the TMI characters. **

"Look Clary I can't begin to express how sorry I am for what happened to you, I know you think I spread the rumour but I didn't I swear and ask anybody that knows me well, I never lie.

But I should have said something sooner, I was scared to talk to you because I know they you would blame me. You are the most talented, amazing, smart, funny, beautiful girl I have ever know and ever will know and I highly doubt that another person that had existed, currently exists or exists in the future will ever compare to you in any way.

I swear I would never intentionally hurt you in that way and I am falling in love with you Clary Fray and I know that that sounds cliché because I want you to forgive me but it's the truth and I will get down on my hands and knees and beg for your forgiveness if that is necessary I will follow you to the end of the earth and beyond. So please forgive me." He sounded torn up and desperate, Clary felt a twinge of guilt. How could she have possibly thought that Jace was responsible?

"How long did you spend practicing that speech?" Clary asked dryly, Jace's face lit up when he realised that she was not yelling but joking with him.

"I came up with it on the spot, I am amazing at improvisation like I am at everything else," he smirked his signature smirk and Clary smiled in return.

"Are you always this arrogant?" Clary teased and Jace pretended to consider,

"Only on days that end in a y," he joked back

"I forgive you, I don't think you told but I don't know who did." Clary said, voicing the question that had been troubling her since she had woken up.

"Yeah I didn't know who had done it either, but we can figure out who it was and I will beat him up so badly he will wish that he had never considered thinking any negative thoughts about you," Jace promised and Clary smiled knowing that Jace would always be there for her no matter what.

Their moment was broken by the door being pushed open revealing Izzy, Simon and a flustered looking nurse,

"No you can't come in here," the nurse said to Izzy who slammed the door in her face and locked it.

"Clary thank god," she cried before running over to Clary and pulling her into a hug with so much force that the hulk himself would have been jealous. Clary hugged her back feeling glad to have her friend by her side.

"I am so sorry," Izzy muttered "I acted like a complete bitch, I should not have abandoned you when you needed me most, god I am such a bad friend."

"Izzy it's not your fault I said some pretty mean things to you and I am so sorry," Clary replied as Izzy pulled away from the hug, Simon hugged her quickly before pulling back.

He was wearing a t-shirt that had the words 'I am not crazy my mother had me tested," written on it. Clary smiled recognising the big bang theory reference.

Simon grinned back and just like that they were friends again, no words needed.

The four of them hung out chatting idly, Luke came in a short while after Izzy and Simon and he listened to their conversation, occasionally making a joke that always caused laughter,

Clary hadn't realised how funny Luke was. But sadly all good things must come to an end and their conversation finished when visiting hours ended, Clary wanted to leave as well but the hospital insisted on keeping her one more night before she was allowed to leave,

Clary was furious but obeyed knowing that there was no point in arguing.

After choking down some of the slop the hospital called food (this stuff makes the school cafeteria food seem like five star cuisine Clay had remarked whilst eating it,) Clary had fallen asleep.

The next morning she had woken around five and sat impatiently flicking through a magazine waiting for 6am when Luke could come and get her. As soon as he entered her room she was asking

"Can I go now," non-stop, he shot her a look that said 'be quiet' and reluctantly she stopped asking,

"You can go now; I've signed all of the forms and stuff. You are required to see a therapist three times a week for the foreseeable future. You can go back to school next week if you want to," Luke said and Clary beamed at the first part of his sentence but then realised the implications of the second part,

"I'm going back to school?" she had never thought about it but didn't fancy looking at all of the disgusted faces of her classmates when they saw her knowing that she had attempted to commit suicide.

"They don't know," Luke said as if reading her thoughts,

"What do you mean?" asked Clary

"They think you slipped and fell out of a first story window." He said, Clary grinned

"Well that sounds like something I would do," she said and climbed out of bed before realising she was wearing one of the disgusting hospital gowns,

"Ugh I can't wear this," she muttered and looked at Luke for a solution, he smiled and lifted a bag containing clothes, Clary smiled and grabbed the bag.

Luke helped mauver a screen in front of her bed so that she could change and Clary pulled on the clothes he had brought for her, a short black skirt, black tank top with the words 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' written on it in messy white writing, her favourite leather jacket and a pair of studded knee high boots.

When she was changed she pulled her hair up in a messy ponytail because she was unwilling to attempt to deal with the tangled curls. She felt a lot better leaving the hospital, especially when she found Izzy, Simon and Jace waiting for her in the lobby.

They all went to Taki's for breakfast and Clary devoured her black coffee and coconut pancakes in record time, probably because the only thing she had eaten recently was the disgusting stuff the hospital incorrectly labelled as 'food'.

Jace watched her with a bemused expression as she stated eating his sweet potato fries.

"What?" she asked with a mouth full of food when she caught him staring, he shook his head.

"One would think that you have been starved recently" he smirked and Clary stole another one of his fries,

"Have you ever tasted hospital food? Being starved would probably have been better," Clary's reply was muffled by the food in her mouth. Izzy interrupted their conversation before Jace could respond,

"We are going clubbing tonight," Izzy announced, "Clary you are coming over and I am doing your make-up and hair, no excuses," her tone was so commanding that Clary didn't attempt to argue and only responded with

"I don't have a dress,"

"You can borrow one of mine," Izzy responded and Clary shrugged before stealing Jace's last fry

"Hey," he muttered but shut up when he saw her seething glare.

They all went back to the lightwoods house and watched movies before ordering pizza for lunch.

After pigging out on the food Izzy dragged Clary up to her room and pushed her onto the bed before hurrying to her wardrobe and scanning all of her clothing.

Eventually she tossed Clary a piece of silky black material, Clary pulled it on and analysed herself in the mirror, the dress was short and came down to mid-thigh, it was made of clingy black material that highlighted her curves.

It had spaghetti straps but black lace forming intricate patterns of flowers covered her chest, stopping just below her neck, the lace also extended down her arms and was dark enough to cover the scars marking Clary's pale skin.

Izzy donned a strapless blue dress that was a little bit shorter than Clary's, it made her legs look miles long and complemented her skin, eyes and hair.

Next Izzy tossed her a pair of black wedges that Clary pulled on; they were decorated with flower patterns and went with her dress nicely.

Izzy pulled on a pair of black stilettoes and began assessing her hair. Clary watched as she expertly curled it into soft waves that fell down her back, and then she turned on Clary wielding the curlers and a hairbrush.

Twenty minutes later after much cursing, yanking and pulling Clary's hair hung in soft curls that framed her face and the fact that she was wearing all black seemed to make them appear redder, it was a nice effect.

Izzy lined her eyes with sparkly black eyeliner and coated her eyelashes with mascara before adding a little foundation, bronzer and blush to complete the look. On herself she went with smoky eyes, long lashes, light blue eyeliner and a pale pink lip-gloss.

When Izzy was finally satisfied with both of their appearances they waked down the stairs and found the boys playing call of duty in the living room.

Izzy cleared her throat loudly and they both looked up, Simon gulped and stuttered as he stated at Izzy whilst Jace's eyes widened when he took in Clary.

He stood up and walked over, pulling her into an embrace, he leaned down to kiss her and Clary lost herself in his golden eyes. Their lips were just brushing when Izzy yanked them apart,

"No kissing you will ruin her make-up,"

Clary pouted and Jace mouthed 'later' at her so she nodded and bit her lip, Jace narrowed his eyes causing Clary to grin.

They arrived at pandemonium, the place where Izzy and Alec had had their birthday party; Izzy strode past the line of waiting people and spoke quickly to the bouncer who let them into the club.

Clary took in the fake fog and flashing strobe lights thinking of how much it resembled some kind of fairy wonderland, Izzy grinned at her and pulled her onto the dance floor.

They danced with Jace and Simon until a slow song came on and Clary turned to Jace. He placed his hands lightly on her waist and she wrapped hers around his neck, they began moving slowly but as they stared at each other the movement slowly stopped as they kissed, anybody looking at them from afar would have just seen two teenagers kissing on the dance floor but to Clary it meant more than that.

At that moment, for the first time in her life she was truly happy.

**There you go, review please **** The next chapter will feature Sebastian so stay tuned for that. There is not much more to go in this story but thanks to all of the people that have reviewed, followed and favourited my story it means a lot. Until next time, bye bye xxxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys. Here is the final chapter of my story. Thank-you to everybody that has read this story and reviewed. It really means a lot, feel free to review whenever even if it is years after this story is published. I have started a new story, it's called the perks of being a teenager (title based on the perks of being a wallflower- read it if you haven't yet it is an amazing story.) so go and check it out :) **

**disclaimer- I am not Cassandra Clare**

Clary's alarm rang out, a shrill high pitched sound that always managed to both rouse Clary from her death-like sleep and annoy her. However after many bad experiences she had discovered it was the only alarm that could be guaranteed to wake her up every morning.

That didn't stop her from hating the stupid sound though.

Groaning she pulled herself from her comfy, warm bed and into the cold bathroom.

She shivered slightly as she remembered the _incident _Clary didn't regret it but she wouldn't attempt to take her life in the near future.

She was in a particularly bad mood that morning, that was reasonable though considering she was going back to school that day. After her shower she wrapped a towel around her body and assessed the contents of her wardrobe to find a suitable outfit,

she chose short high waited black shorts and a loose long sleeved black shirt that had cut-outs in the shoulders.

She quickly blow-dried her hair into soft waves and applied her usual make-up. When she was happy with her appearance she left her room, pausing to give Luke a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug before walking out of the door and starting her motorcycle.

Her appearance at school drew a lot of stares, at first Clary panicked but then she remembered that they though she had fallen through a window or something stupid.

The school had also assured the students that the stories traveling around the school concerning her childhood were all rumours.

Technically that was true because the story had been warped, changed and new details had been added on as it travelled through the gossip chain.

Simon had told her that one of the rumours was Clary had been pregnant with the presidents baby, the shocking thing was that some people had actually believed it, upon hearing that Clary had lost all faith in humanity.

After some evaluation Clary decided that the looks she was receiving were ones of sympathy not disgust. Clary just ignored them and walked to her first class which she shared with both Izzy and Jace.

They had three desks next to each other, Clary sat in the middle with Jace on her left and Izzy on her right.

Clary and Izzy exchanged warm smiles and a hug whilst Jace pulled her into a kiss as soon as she leant over to hug him, Clary rolled her eyes but kissed him back anyway.

After a while Izzy cleared her throat and they jumped apart, Clary began blushing for two reasons, they had attracted stares from every single student in the classroom and Clary had forgotten that they were in a classroom.

Jace just smirked whilst looking very pleased with himself, Clary glared at him but before she could say anything the teacher walked into the classroom.

Classes were uneventful and Clary couldn't pay attention to the lectures being spurted out by the teachers because one question was stuck in her mind.

This was not unusual, Clary often drifted off into another world whilst considering questions such as what is the meaning of life, what is death like etc. but those questions didn't really frustrate her because she knew that she would never, whilst she was alive, discover the answer to them.

But the question she was currently pondering over did have an answer and it irritated her because it was a simple answer, just a name but it was as out of reach as the stars.

The question was who told everybody about her life before New York and how did they know? a simple question but one whose an answer alluded her just as much as the math questions that she had been assigned to do for homework.

At lunch she took her frustrations out on her salad by tearing the lettuce to shreds with her fork. Jace picked up on her frustration,

"What's got your panties in a bunch witchy?" he asked, the nickname that had once been an insult was now a fond nickname.

"I'm trying to figure out who started those bloody rumours and so far I have only got one person," Clary groaned in frustration before banging her head against the table in defeat.

"And who is that one person?" asked Jace but Clary could tell that he knew the answer already, they all did because there was only person that had reason to really hate Clary.

"Sebastian," she muttered and they all nodded, but the question of how Sebastian knew remained unanswered and to that nobody had a suggestion.

There was everything from he looked up your personal records to he had been stalking you since you were born (that was suggested by Simon who seemed to think it was actually a logical suggestion,) they knew that they had extinguished all possible ideas when Izzy half heartedly suggested that Sebastian was an alien.

Clary decided that the best possible solution was to confront him, knowing Sebastian he would want to gloat. They all agreed to corner him after school and Clary went to her next class feeling decidedly better.

When the final bell rang Clary went to the meeting place, stopping once on the way to do something important.

Incidentally she was late and the other three were all waiting anxiously, Simon and Izzy were both pacing whilst Jace leaned against a wall looking relaxed but his tight muscles, parring foot and constantly moving eyes betrayed him.

When Clary came into sight they all gasped in relief and then released a chorus of

"Where the hell were you?" Clary shrugged and they began to walk over to the gym where Sebastian currently had hockey practice. When they were outside the door Jace put his hand reassuringly on Clary's shoulders before whispering

"Don't worry I won't let him hurt you," those words made Clary feel safe, something she was unfamiliar with.

She smiled at him and he smiled back encouragingly and pushed the doors open. Hockey practice had just finished so most of the players were still on the court.

Both Jace and Clary gestured for them to leave and their combined reputations was enough to get the remaining eight well built, tall hockey stick sporting hockey players to pale and hurry out of the gym as fast as they could, Clary grinned despite the seriousness of the situation.

Sebastian was standing with his back to them whilst he rummaged through his bag unaware of the seriousness of his current situation.

He did however notice that the loud noise produced by the crowd of teenage boys had stopped because there was a lack of teenage boys to make a noise.

That realisation caused him to look around expecting to see something like a crowd of Laistrygonians ready to pelt him with flaming bronze dodge balls but instead he saw something much worse. Izzy, Clary, Jace and Simon.

His face visibly paled but only for a second before it returned to it's usual cocky smirk that unlike Jace's made Clary'y stomach turn. He knew why they were here and that confirmed Clary's suspicions, he was the one who had started the rumour. Now Clary wanted to find out why.

"Well what a pleasure seeing you four," he smiled but it didn't reach his black, soulless eyes. Clary smiled back and hers didn't reach her eyes either.

"You know why were are here," she said, her voice was cold and angry. Jace squeezed her hand in reassurance and she squeezed his gently reassuring him that she was fine. Sebastian grinned evilly before replying

"I have no idea what you are talking about,"  
Clary saw red, how could he act like he didn't spread the rumour? but she kept her voice calm when she spoke, the only thing betraying her anger was the iron grip she had on Jace.

"I know you spread those rumours so don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," she snapped,

"I don't recall spreading any rumours about you Clary I might have told some people the true story of your childhood but that's all," somehow his smirk got worse. Clary had to restrain herself before she walked over and punched him, instead she tightened her grip on Jace's hand making him wince but he didn't her go of hers.

"So you did tell people?" she asked and Sebastian nodded,

"How did you know?" that was the one thing Clary couldn't figure out.

"I overheard you telling Jace," was his response and Clary felt like hitting herself, why did she have to get drunk that night?

although it had brought her closer to Jace which was a good thing, anything that involved the man she loved was worth any kind of rumour, wait loved?

where did that come from? Clary couldn't deny the fact but she wasn't about to accept it either, love was a scary emotion to Clary and after her horrible past she wasn't sure if she knew how to love.

Once again she cursed Valentine for his actions and she cursed herself for letting them affect her so much.

"You are going to get into so much trouble when the school finds out," Clary said through gritted teeth and Sebastian had the nerve to laugh.

"I'm not going to admit to this again so it's your word against mine," He sounded so cocky and Clary let out a genuine smile as she delivered her next sentence,

"But they do know," she felt a jolt of satisfaction as the panicked look returned to Sebastian's face.

It was at that moment that the head of the school, Mr Grindel walked into the gym, on her way over to meet Simon, Izzy and Jace Clary had stopped at his office and asked him to listen to their conversation because she knew that Sebastian would only admit to attempting to ruin Clary once when there were no adults around.

The look on his face could have killed a puppy as he followed Mr Grindel back to his office. Clary was expecting to return home but Jace insisted on taking her out to celebrate.

He drove her motorcycle to the garden where they had their first date and they sat on the grass and talked.

They talked about Sebastian and they talked about their lives before they met each other, in the week after her attempted suicide Clary had discovered that it was better talking to Jace about these things than it was talking to her therapist because he understood and then he made her feel better about herself and her actions.

He convinced her that the deaths of her siblings were not her fault and the nightmare stopped, he convinced her to stop cutting and the razor blade was thrown away as the scars on her arm began to heal into small, silver lines like tiny strands of cobweb on her skin.

Finally as darkness covered the sky Jace drew her in for a kiss and as he pulled away Clary heard him whisper

"I love you," under his breath, his words were barely audible for a second before they were snatched away by the wind but Clary heard them.

In that moment she decided that she could love and that Valentine was not going to ruin this moment for her because she had forgotten the past and was ready to move onto her future with Jace. She was ready to mutter three words that she had never in her life said to anyone other than Amy and Jonathan.

"I love you."

**there you go, please please review. Stay tuned for my next stories, the next one will be happier than this one :) bye bye xxx**


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